In the beginning, God created the world in 6 days. Then, he rested on the 7th day. Then, a stupid moron created a school. From then on, pucha! Nobody rested.
A man cornered by a lion prayed, "Lord, make this lion a Christian." The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed, "Bless this food which I'm about to receive thru Christ our Lord. Amen."
Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)
If you're upset with someone, put yourself in his shoes and walk a mile. So, when he gets mad, you're a mile away na, you have his shoes pa!
Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident. Adults playing inside the car can cause children!!!!
Perfect Heaven: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy wife! Perfect Hell: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, American home and Pinoy salary!
Those who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
I just wanna let you know that you are my only special friend. The rest are normal! Hahaha!
Words of a student to live by: "Whenever I feel like studying, I lie down until the feeling is gone." Yeah!
1986 was a year of revolutions. It was the year when our people kicked out a dictatorship that stifled our freedom. It was the year the first lady president stepped into power. And it was the year when the Filipino people heard the powerful voice of Regine Velasquez!
Kinds of perfume for women: teener - Cool Water. lady - Giorgio Armani. newly wed - Bulgari. married - Sweet Honesty. spinster - Green Cross. old lady - Albatross
I saw something in the shop window today. It was stunning sexy, cute, beautiful and adorable. I was supposed to buy it for you till I realized it was my own REFLECTION.
Those innocent eyes. Those kissable lips. A great smile. The perfect walk. Smoothest talk. Absolutely gorgeous. That's enough about me. How are you?
Durex regrets to inform you that your birth was a mistake. Please report to the nearest hospital to be put down immediately. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Roses are red, violets are blue, monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo. Don't get angry, you will find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at you.
Nobody likes you. Nobody cares for you. Nobody misses you. Nobody wants to see you. Nobody is your best friend. Nobody is happy with you. Hey, Don't cry at all!!! My name is Nobody.
When you want to make a difference... subtract.
Russian: We are first on space! USA: We are first on the moon! Philippines: We will be the first in the sun! USA: You can't go there, you'll burn. Philippines: We are not stupid, we will go there at night!
Announcing a new technological breakthrough of the new millenium: A new napkin designed to satisfy every woman's secret fantasy. Introducing... Whisper with tongue!
Research said that men are healthier than women because men get fresh milk, 2 papayas and a juicy oyster every night but women only get 1 banana, 2 meatballs and a teaspoon of yogurt.
Patient: Doc, I regularly move my bowel every morning at 7! Doc: What is wrong with that? Patient: I wake up at 8:00 AM!
Let's congratulate Manny and Jinky Pacquiao for their baby girl. They'll name their baby after the combination of their names. Manny + Jinky = Manky. =)