God saw your parents hungry, He created pizzas. God saw they are thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw them walking, He created car. He saw them without problems, He created you! =)
Dying husband: I have something to tell you. Wife: Don't speak, just rest. Husband: No, I must confess, I had sex with your sister and your best friend. Wife: Sshhh. I know! That's why I poisoned you!
Ku ka ki ka ka ku kata ke ko ku kika ki kuka ko kika. Kuko kiku kuki ka. Congratulations! You have successfully learned the monkey language! Come and claim your banana!
Man asks pet shop owner how much is parrot on the left. "$50,000 because he knows how to work Windows and Office." How much is parrot on the right? "$80,000 because he knows how to make and administer a website." How about the parrot on the middle? "$100,000, I don't know what he does but the other parrots call him boss."
What is shock? It is when a man is having sex with a pregnant woman and suddenly, a hand grabs his dick from the inside!
What do you call a naked, sexy, beautiful woman on the arm of an ugly poor man? Tatoo!
What is the secret of success? "Right Decisions" How do you make right decisions? "Experience" How do you get experience? "Wrong Decisions" =)
A sad love story. Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! Bf: Huhu Huhu! Gf: Huhuhuhu! Bf: Hu hu huhuhu! Gf: Huhu hu! Bf: Huhuhuhuhu! Gf: huhu Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! How sad! =(
Want to hear a fairy tale? Once upon a time, Cinderella was so horny. So, she put Pinnochio's nose between her legs and shouted, "Lie, Pinocchio, lie!" Hehehe.
How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move! =)
A cardiologist died and was put in a heart shaped coffin. Another doctor laughed when he saw it, he was asked why and he said, "I'm just thinking about me, I'm a gynecologist."
A kid asked a priest: "Father, besides praying, do you have any other enjoyable past time?" The priest tapped the kid's cheek and calmly replied, "Nun, my child, nun."
Husband: I heard that fish is a brain food. Wife: You better eat a whale.
Student: I heard that fish is a brain food. Room mate: Yeah, I eat it all the time. Student: Well, there goes another theory.
Husband: How long can a man live without brains? Wife: I don't know. How old are you?
Father: Don't you think our son gets all his brains from me? Mother: Maybe, I still have all mine.
If you are an animal, what would you be? A rabbit or a snail? Rabbits are the most sexually active animals and can have sex many times in a day. Snails live 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but the orgasm lasts for 18 hours. Would you go for quantity or quality?